The Old Church 6

The Seven Goats

This story is part of The Old Church series.
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The Seven Goats

† † †

HEAVY RAM HORNS

WHO WILL I START MOUNTING FIRST?

I AM THE MATTILA FAMILY RAM

WOUND, VAGINA

DAMNED PUSSY

DON’T YOU ASK RIKKU

ONE IS AFRAID OF JUDGMENT

IT’LL DO HIM GOOD TO SPEND TIME WITH YOU

† † †

A blinding sun breaks through the trees in front of me, so I head toward them at a brisk pace. My head feels heavy, so heavy, why? It sways left and right, as if weighed down by something.

Ah, that’s why. Heavy ram horns, coiled, sprouting from my temples. Cold, smooth horns, I trace the spiral down to the tip, slightly chipped.

I move easily through the muddy grass: my feet are hooves, my knees bent backward, otherwise my naked body is the same as always.

Well, one difference: my cock is permanently hard.

I pass through the trees. A grassy slope opens before me, an immense valley beneath the blue Arctic sky and cotton clouds.

There they are. The flock: the twenty Mattila sisters.

They graze peacefully, and watching them flick their tails I start kicking my hooves.

Who will I start mounting first? Who will be the first? I want to fuck them all, I let out a powerful bleat. I am the Mattila family ram, they count on me as the only male.

I charge, but the bitches run. Where the hell are they going? Why is there this farm that looks like a castle?

I’m smarter though. They’re shutting me out, but I disguise myself as one of them: I have a lock of Elli Mattila’s hair. I hold it up at the window, and those geese open the door for me.

There they are. They tremble, I can feel their hearts beating. I take a moment to look at them, before moving on to the pleasure of the flesh.

No. A whistle, in the distance. It sounds almost like the call of a bird. Footsteps, urgency.

I turn around.

The Knight stands before me.

The armor is electric blue, the helmet recalls the head of a dog, from which spring these blonde curls: the same ones I have in my hand, glinting in the sun.

She advances slowly, placing one foot in front of the other diagonally, legs slightly bent. With a martial movement she spreads her left arm wide, palm facing skyward, as if drawing down the divine force needed to punish me.

She swings it behind her back. Hilt of the sword, lightning. How does she lift a sword that enormous? How much must it weigh, fifty kilos?

Here’s the thing. If I were a man, I’d stand still, shoulders back, chin up: silent, waiting for my punishment. But no: in a childish way I clench my fists, start kicking and bleating, snort hard, smear myself with the mucus bursting from my nostrils.

I lower my head, swing my threatening horns. I bleat furiously: I’LL FUCK YOU. YOU WHORE, I’LL FUCK YOU TOO. YOU SHOULD HAVE HEARD YOUR SISTER BLEATING WHILE I WAS HUMPING HER, THE SLUT. ALL OF YOU. I’LL FUCK ALL OF YOU.

The crystallized moment when the tip of the sword grazes my navel. A sublime moment, before the moment of pain, in which I am rightfully gutted.

Spectral blade, bones. Wound in the belly, impaled. Entrails spilling out.

Wound, vagina.

I wake up.

What the fuck of a dream.

† † †

— To get to the old church we need Paavo.

— Why?

— Because getting to the old church by road would mean crossing the Farrier property, I don’t think it’s possible. They won’t give us permission, but we can take the old via ferrata from Glemt Pass, it’s just that it’s two days’ walk.

— Are you joking? Two days’ walk? Have you lost your mind?

— Why do you think I offered you so much to come take some photos with me?

Fair enough, actually. I thought he was a bit simple and that I was taking advantage of him. Apparently not.

— Ok. But why do we need this guy, Paavo?

— Do you have arctic trekking experience?

— No.

— You always go out in pairs with an expert. Plus, Didrik, sorry to say this, but with your problems I don’t feel comfortable going out alone with you, even if it’s ultimately just a hike.

Maybe I should revise my judgments about the fat guy. He’s not that stupid after all.

Ok, fine by me. Christ, deep down there’s even a tiny, tiny flicker of enthusiasm. Two days away from this shit, from the Thingies, and from that lunatic Elli.

Lie, lie, circle of hypocrites. I can’t stop thinking about her. Damned pussy. Why do you have all this power over us mortals?

Paavo.

Pelle always talks about everyone as if I already know them, but I arrived the day before yesterday in this swamp in the marshes. They seem less like people and more like monuments, town squares, road signs: given things, just there, and this time I don’t feel like asking who the fuck Paavo is. I’ll find out.

I wish I were with Elli, not here with these Finnish bears.

Well, here we are. We stop in front of a sporting goods shop. The window is smashed. In front of it stands a big guy with copper-red hair, hands on hips, staring seriously at the damage. He’s a fine specimen of at least six foot three, younger than us, maybe twenty-five, twenty-eight. Not a bad-looking guy but with a truly caveman jaw and the build of a wrestling fighter.

— Pleased to meet you. Paavo Mikiver.

— Pleased to meet you, I’m Didrik.

Flavor.

What does that mean?

No idea, probably nothing.

— Paavo, Pelle cuts in, what happened here?

— Some drunk asshole must have had fun last night.

— Do you know who it was?

— No, nobody saw anything.

Strange vibration. I pick up a fragment of the smashed window.

Leather and metal.

Paavo saw everything. He’s lying to Pelle.

Hmm.

We move to Weidmann, Paavo follows in his car. We set up at the counter, each with a beer in hand, we toast. It turns out he’s a tourist guide and a speleologist. Pelle flatters him quite a bit and he, who could drive me into the ground with one punch, blushes and looks down.

He doesn’t seem willing to help us though. He says he’s pretty tied up with his mother, plus the shop situation, it’ll take him a while.

— Why don’t you ask Rikku to go with you? She’s the best ranger in the area.

— No, Rikku can’t, Pelle cuts in.

Hmm.

On the way back it’s Paavo who gives me a lift home. The Virtanens are to the east, my place and Paavo’s are on the other side.

We stop in front of my house for a second.

I like this big guy, I want to try something.

— Hey.

— Yeah?

— Listen, I’ve known you for an hour, and I’ve known Pelle for maybe two weeks, but can I ask you something?

— Go ahead.

— Why did you lie to him?

The kid laughs with his mouth closed.

— Was it that obvious?

— I’d say so. I don’t know Pelle well but he doesn’t seem stupid at all. He probably noticed too, it’s just that he seems like an extremely reserved person.

— He is.

Well, Paavo explains a bit how things stand. He has problems with Roland Farrier that he didn’t want to go into, and the bastard sent his goons to smash the window. Apparently they pointed a gun at him too.

— Why didn’t you tell him anything?

The big lad reclines his head, rests it against the headrest and lets out a long sigh.

— You know, sometimes problems pile up, right? You try to put your head in the sand. It’s a shit period. Problems with my woman, my mother’s not well, and now this.

— Well I don’t think this will help. Plus I don’t know Pelle well, but everyone says he’s someone who bends over backwards for others, and from what little I’ve seen, that’s true.

— It’s more than that. You know, he’s a point of reference, almost a leader. And one is afraid of the leader’s judgment, right?

— True.

I get out of the car, head toward home.

— Didrik?

— Yeah?

— Thanks. I’ve changed my mind. I’ll come with you. It’ll do me good to spend some time away from the city.

— I’m glad.

And I mean it.

He seems like a genuinely good guy.

† † †

— Hello?

— Hi Elli.

— Hey.

— What are you doing?

— Tonight I’m with Miko.

— Shit...

— Relax, he’s not here, he went to get two frozen pizzas.

— I’m sorry, I wanted to see you.

— Didrik.

— Yeah?

— I wanted to see you too.

— But you went out with Miko.

— He needed to spend some time with me. I may be a cheating bitch, but I have a heart too. Speaking of which: thank you.

— For what?

— He needed someone a bit older to talk to, and from what he told me, it really did him good talking to you.

— Sorry, what?

— He said you two met today.

My asshole clenches so tight you couldn’t fit the head of a pin through it.

It hits me.

Familiar flavor.

Paavo Mikiver.

Mikiver.

Miko.

— I’m glad he’s spending some time with you and Pelle, it’ll do him good to be around people older than him. Sometimes it’s so boring going out with a younger guy.

— You are completely insane.

— Could you explain to him how to not come after only two minutes?

Click.

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